When I started to hear bits about what Depp’s witnesses said on the stand, I started rethinking my admittedly automatic support for Heard.

I had been firmly against Depp for years. I think it’s important to believe survivors in a world that habitually ignores them, especially those that are victims of powerful men who tend to get a pass for their abuse. Then hearing the beginning of her testimony, I instantly thought she was lying.

That troubled me.

What internal biases do we have about women on the stand and confronting abusers?

It occurred to me this reaction is centers on internal bias. Everyone has some idea of what they think a “believable” or “good” witness looks like.

Are they confident?

Are they assertive?

Do they have the perfect blend of strength and humility?

How conventionally attractive are they?

Does this inspire trust or distrust?

Do they use the right emotions?

In the right amounts?

Court TV has interviewed people on the street who have run the gauntlet from defending Depp and his actions by saying it doesn’t count because he was drunk or high to those just “knowing” Amber is lying.

While the jury should still be undecided, the court of public opinion seems firmly against Heard. Everything from just being ‘sure’ that she’s lying to making excuses for Depp’s behavior to claims that she’s posing for photographs and doing drugs on the stand to (rather disgusting) TikToks reenacting and mocking her testimony.

It really goes to show how she can’t win, even if the jury finds in her favor.

No matter what she does, she’s going to be wrong.

The dichotomies of what is expected of survivors and how they should act is mind-boggling. It becomes even more convoluted when we factor in gender-norm expectations.

Heard is being mocked for watching Depp testify without emotion while he was on the stand while Depp is being heralded as a ‘strong survivor’ for not looking at her while she’s testifying. Apparently, ‘real’ survivors don’t look at their abusers.

But aren’t women told to keep our heads up in the face of adversity and oppressors?

To be strong and brave in facing the powerful men who assault them?

To not appear weak and defeated by putting our heads down as if we’re afraid?

If Amber is looking at Depp while testifying, she’s aggressive. If she looks at him while he’s testifying, she’s cold and robotic.

Heard isn’t ‘really’ crying so she must be lying. But when a woman cries, she’s overly emotional and weak and cannot be trusted to tell the truth or even think straight. She’s playing the dramatic victim.

On top of that, standard courtroom practice tells clients to be as stoic as possible while events are unfolding. They are counseled not to show any emotion or reaction to anything as much as possible lest the jury read into those reactions.

Then let’s remember that while there are many things survivors have in common in terms of how they react, there is no uniform way that people act in general, let alone after trauma.

There is no doubt in my mind that a large portion of the public would herald Depp for the same actions if the two were reversed.

But people are really quick to want to believe she’s lying to vindicate their love for Depp.

I don’t know who’s telling the truth here. I’m glad I’m not on the jury though.