Not the easiest question, if you ask me. It’s one of those things that I’ve been thinking about more and more as the stressors add up and we’re still safer indoors after nine months. All that time has forced some serious reflection to happen.
I typically have a whole slew of answers that I know I should recite, completely dependent on who I’m talking to and what I’m fairly certain they want to hear.
I usually have a separate set of realities though. For me, it’s very hard to not play a part and assimilate into any group. I’ve always been and done what was expected of me in a situation. I learned at a very young age that if I disappointed people, I’d be shunned or made fun of, so I did what I could to avoid that.
That led to me pursuing the wrong paths and making choices that I had to talk myself into. Not that I was ever someone who got into serious trouble–I knew that obedience was expected of me, so I never really had a “rebellious” phase or experimented with things my neighborhood peers did. But that did make me put my real dreams on hold because they weren’t practical or profitable or realistic (so I was told).
Now I’m at a point where I am more clearly defining what I want from my life. Better late than never, right? Even with that knowledge, it’s hard for me to put aside things I’m so used to coming first.
For example, I’m at Full Sail to become a better writer and embrace all that entails. I want to hone my craft and actually publish the ideas in my head. That is extremely important to me, yet I still find myself spending more and more hours at work and putting much more of myself into that. That is my livelihood, after all, so it’s easy to convince myself that has to come first. If I didn’t love my job and what I do, it would be easier to cut off at quitting time. For me, it’s finding a way to combine everything I love doing without being exhausted on a near constant basis.
The only way I’m going to be able to do that is by forcing myself to shift my top priorities. I’m at a point where I have to put work after my education, my partner, and my self-care. It’s such a foreign concept to me that it makes me anxious even to type it. It’s one of those things I know I have to do, even if it terrifies me and is incredibly difficult.
References
Priorities [Image]. (n.d.). https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/30-motivational-and-inspirational-picture-quotes.html
